Select Category:

Show me a Random Funny Joke

Hilarious Jokes...

Like the funny pictures section, how could this be a proper humour site without a huge database of jokes? It couldn't, so here's a huge database of jokes...

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?". "About 32", the clerk replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonalds and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself. While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question.

He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when Iwas young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel your breasts. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead".

The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around.

After a couple of minutes she says, "Okay, Okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands and says, "You are 47".

Stunned the woman says, "That is amazing. How did you know?".

The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."

View the next joke View the previous funny picture
 
Want to download the latest music from just 5 cents a track? Click here to find out how!
Can you guess the starting 11 of classic football matches?
Follow us on Follow BoredAtUni on Twitter